How Quickly We Forget

A couple of days ago I was in need of a good read. After scanning all of my bookshelves and finding only the book club book that I had planned to procrastinate reading a little longer, I turned instead to some old journals and notebooks. Among them was a huge binder in which my mom had compiled all of the letters I had written home during my mission. As of yet I had never even opened it and thought it might be fun to peruse. Turns out, it was. I enjoyed reading my accounts about missionary work and mission life. It was the very last letter I wrote home that really got to me. First it made me laugh, then it made me think, and I haven't stopped thinking about it since. Which is why I am going to share it with you now. The following is me quoting myself from a letter written home on April 7, 2003.

"I think that I had better give you a little bit of waring so that you can be more prepared to help me enter into normal society again. First of all, remember that my living circumstance have not been the same as yours. I am used to eating my main meal at noon. Any table manners that I once had are gone, instead of a knife and fork I will probably just try to eat everything with a large spoon. Don't be surprised to see me stuffing unwanted food into my purse or throwing out the window when I think that you are not looking. After I am done you might find me washing off my dishes under cold water with m fingers. Please just walk me through the proper dishwashing procedures. If you want to help preserve my sanity please remove all rice, chicken, beans, pasta with mayonnaise and ketchup, powdered milk non-RSDA approved meat and any parts of the cow that should normally be thrown away (i.e. brains, tongues, intestines, hoofs) from the house. If you want to make me happy you can stock the cupboards with ice cream, cereal, real milk, apples, raisins and peanut butter.

Don't be surprised if I spend hours rubbing my fingers through the grass or the carpet. If you find me playing with the telephone please remind me that my calls will actually go through the first time. The first time you see me washing my clothes in the sink kindly remind me what a washing machine is and how it is used. Please be patient with me if I cry every time I see and American flag. Please don't get too embarrassed if I try to bargain with the vegetable man in the grocery store. If you see me standing for hours on the corner it is because I am waiting for the carritos and chicken buses. Gently remind me that you can give me a ride or even let me borrow your car, which may be a bit scary after driving with drunk Venezuelan men for the past year and a half.

Please be understanding about the overwhelming guilt I will feel the first time I attend church without at family of investigators. Try to ignore me when I sing the hymns at the top of my lungs, I am just trying to help everyone hear the right tune. If I start to get paniky before Sunday School, I am just worrying about what kind of false doctrine they are going to teach in the class of new investigators. Every time I enter a room expect to see a round of handshakes for the men and kisses for the women, and another round of each as I leave. The only purfume I wear is bug spray, and I may need some help remembering how to do anything other than a ponytail with my hair."

When I read this I remembered just how excited I was to use a washer and a dryer again. But, I am so darn adaptable that after only a few weeks I wasn't even grateful for it anymore. I just expected it. I complain now that my carpet needs vacuuming everyday without ever thinking of my friends who sit around on a dirt floor every night. I worry about the economic situation our country is in and the policies of our new president without being grateful for living in a free country full of opportunity. I spend plenty of time complaining about the price of gas without ever remembering what a blessing it is to be able to come and go as I please. I grumble to myself about how many dishes I have to load into the dishwasher everyday without being grateful for the clean, hot water that comes out of my faucet. I stress about the price of groceries and never give thanks for the abundance that we have. I don't feel guilty anymore about not taking investigators to church with me. Pretty much the only thing I have going for me is that I am still happy not to have to dowse myself in bug spray every time I walk out the door.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am sorry I have forgotten to notice all of the blessings in my life. The Lord has taken such good care of me, and I really am grateful for my washer and dryer. Here is to hoping that I will remember a little longer this time.